Sunday, July 21, 2019

WORK

07/15/2019 - 07/21/2019



One time my brother convinced me to go to work with him for a landscaping/snow removal/low rise window washing company.  He had worked for them the previous summer and made some decent cash.  We'd get payed $50 a drop for washing exterior building windows and $20/hr for landscaping; the only catch was
  the entire company was Jehovah's Witnesses!
The boss's name was Darryl and he'd take every available opportunity to preach to us, we politely told him we weren't interested but he insisted on practicing his shit on us every day.
He'd give us all the hard jobs and let his son and the rest of the little Jehovies do all the light duty stuff.  This guy would drop us in the middle of nowhere, leave with our lunches and water and then come back after 8 hours in his air conditioned truck eating an ice cream cone!
One day we walked into the shop and found Darryl's wife fucking one of his employees on a moving blanket in the middle of the shop floor! 
Darryl sent us home early that day.
The next day we showed up for work and the whole crew was giddy to tell us the great news;
apparently, that very night, Darryl's wife was fortunate enough to have 'the dream'.
The dream is something Jehovah's Witnesses have that lets them know that they are, in fact, one of the chosen ones who will join the set number of witnesses in ascending into the kingdom!
It turns out having the dream is also a great way to avoid divorce and get away with fucking one of your husband's employees in front of the rest of his staff on the floor of his dirty shop.
Later that day, my brother meets me for lunch and can't wait to show me his new trick.  We finish our lunch and as Darryl comes rolling up in his truck, my brother says:
"watch this"
Darryl jumps out of the truck, runs over to our picnic table and hands us each a big bottle of cold Gatorade and a frozen Drumstick ice cream treat each!
He thanks us for all the great work we'd been doing and tells us he'd be back at 4 to give us a ride to the shop.  I was shocked, what the hell happened?
It turns out another one of their rules is that if somebody expresses interest in converting to the religion, they are considered a prospect and must be respected and treated with the upmost kindness by all members of the congregation.
After my Brother told them how we were seriously considering becoming witnesses, one of Darryl's employees gave him 2 copies of their book, and we were in!
From that moment on, we were paid on time, all our over time was accounted for, we never went without lunch or water and we always got nice ice cream treats.
No matter how shitty your job is, remember, it's temporary
AND
there's always an angle.
You just have to find out how to work it.





On Monday I left work early (wet fart).
On Tuesday...
(I can't remember Tuesday)
On Wednesday I played with Pepperoni Pizza Cats in our monthly show at
The Social Capital Theatre.
On Thursday I picked up my Mom.
On Friday we went to my daughter's recital at Arts Camp.
(she was a tree frog in a song about the rain forest and I almost cried)
On Saturday I dropped off my Mom at my Aunt Mary's and then I had a ball playing 'Smash Cut' at Bad Dog.
On Sunday I went to work.

WORK


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