Sunday, July 28, 2019


07/22/2019 - 07/28/2019

My Brother could never sit still, even as a child he would bounce around all day and wouldn't stop until he fell asleep.  As an adult, he'd come to your house and just pace around the floor until he left.  I know we sat and talked and he would sit and write and draw, but when I think of him, I can only see him walking around and being impatient.  He had an extremely hard time relaxing.  One year for his birthday I gave him a nice pocket watch and I had it inscribed;
on the front it said
Hurry Up
and when you opened it up it said
& Relax!
When I went to his house in St. Malo Manitoba after he died, I found the watch in his bedside drawer.  The hour, minute and second hands were all broken off inside the watch face and just sitting in there loose under the glass.  
His girlfriend told me he had leftover Dairy Queen ice cream cake from his birthday in the freezer with his apple whiskey!  I laughed to myself about getting to have his last piece of cake.  When I took it out of the freezer, I discovered that he ate all the good chocolate and fudge crumble out of it and left only the vanilla;
well played brother.
It was two years ago to the day of this writing that we had a 'Celebration of Life' party at the house for my Brother.  When my uncle Malcolm showed up he walked straight over to me and handed me a black fedora.  He said he was standing at the gas pump filling up and considering not coming to the party when the wind blew the hat to where it landed right at his feet. 
He knew he had to come. 
My sister Cassie got a bagpiper to come out to play a few tunes and my Mom got an indigenous couple to come speak about the passing over of the spirit from this world.  When the woman sang, everybody was silent and we could all feel my Brother flying away on that wind.  It was one of the single most beautiful and healing experiences of a lot of our lives.  
After all the bullshit we had been going through dealing with his girlfriend, we hadn't had the time to be allowed to properly mourn and grieve; something nobody should be denied.
There were so many people at the party that day and each person made the event that much more special.  
Everybody took the time for what was important, 
something we should always do.

On Monday we had Kentucky Fried Chicken.
On Tuesday...
(I don't remember Tuesday)
On Wednesday I wouldn't let some aggressive asshole butt in front of me on Jarvis St. at the Garner Expressway on ramp.  I had just sat in line for almost an hour and this guy figured he could just pop in there from the other lane.  He insisted and I continued to refuse.  He hit the gas to force his way into the tiny space between my Jeep and the truck in front of me.  He smashed right into the truck!  He jumps out and talks to the guy from the truck and made what looked like plans to pull off at the first exit to exchange information.
He gave me a 'thumbs up' - I gave him the 'finger'.
On Thursday I witnessed a 'road rage' incident on the Gardner Expressway!  The guy in the car beside me just hit the gas in bumper to bumper traffic, smashed into the car in front of him and just kept going and going!  I could see him screaming and crying in his car,  I could relate but it was still unbelievable to see.  He stopped for a second and then hit it again!  This time he fishtailed the back of his car into the divider wall.  The cops showed up pretty quick and made myself and a few other people pull off the highway to give statements.
The guy was arrested and I got home super late.
On Friday a young woman smashed into the back of the Jeep at a red light!  I just dropped Kenny off at work and was going back up the mountain with my girls, we were singing 'Everything is Awesome' from LEGO Movie 2 and SMASH!  The kids were scared but not hurt, I jump out and the Jeep was fine (small scuff on the back bumper) but the woman's car was folded like an accordion!  She gets out of her car and shows me her hospital bracelet and tells me she's dehydrated and falling asleep at the wheel, she said she told them she shouldn't be driving.  She wasn't hurt from the accident but pretty fucked up all the same.  She didn't want to go through insurance because she couldn't afford her premium to go up, I felt bad for her, I told her to please get off the road and let her use my phone to call her Dad.
We went home and had a fancy charcuterie!
On Saturday I played with The Featured Players at Bad Dog Theatre in a show called 'Push Pins' and THEN I got to play in THEATRESPORTS!  After, I went home and had a really nice time hanging out and talking with Kenny late into the night.  It's difficult to find the time to just talk (especially when kids are in the picture) but so important and rewarding when you finally do.
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for everything I have in my life.
On Sunday I went to work...
(I called in sick)


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